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GAR~
NOWWW

All of the followings are copy and paste from emails sent to me. From (name)........other then the quizilla quizs

pleasure.jpg


Hottie

What's Your Personality Type?
brought to you by Quizilla

drunk guy
You are 0% straight edge

How straight edge are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Joey Tribianni! You love food, ladies,(and if
you're a girl taking this quiz, men) and don't
forget that you're as cute as a teddy bear!
You're a soap actor, and though you sometimes
seem dumb and goofy, its actually your sweet
heart! :)

Which "Friend" character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Bill Lumbergh

What Office Space character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

abercrombie
What prep label are you?

sexonthebeach.jpg

CONGRATS!
You're a Sex on the Beach! Your party-hard eccentricity is exceeded only by your urge to hump like a rabbit. You live by the 'Sex, or be sexed' motto

I'm a Sex on the Beach, discover your ALcoHoLiC personality!

hopeless flirt
Hopeless Flirt

What Kind of FLIRT are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I Love U guys!!! (sara)
 
In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.
 
In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.
 
 
In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.
 
In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.
 
In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.
 
In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.
 
In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.
 
In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had.
 
In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.
 
In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there.
 
In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.
 
In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a date to the prom.
 
In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go...
 
At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.
 
The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.
 
Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the
>better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you!
 
Pass on to those friends of the past, and those of the future...and
>those you have met along the way..Thank you for being a friend. No matter where we go or who we become, never forget who helped us get there. There's never a wrong time to pick up a phone or send a message telling your friends how much you miss them or how much you love them.
 
 

How To Shower! - (hella funny)(tommy)



Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long, loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.

11. Shave armpits and legs.

12. Turn off shower.

13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face

6. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

8. Make fart noises, real or artificial and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair.

12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pee.

14. Rinse off and get out of shower.

15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

19. Throw wet towel on bed.

vanity
Vanity

Which sexy sin are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Which month are you(Sara)
 
JANUARY Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always
looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize.Hardworking and
productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows  how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds.
Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Homely person.
Loyal. Needs to improve social abilities. Easily jealous. Very Stubborn.
 
 FEBRUARY Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and
clever. Changing personality. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest
and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when
restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Showing
anger easily. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely
shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes.
Sharp.Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside.
Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Learns to show emotions.
 
MARCH Attractive personality Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive
Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy.
Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others.
Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves travelling. Loves
attention. Hasty  decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves  special things. Moody.
 
APRIL Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret.Attractive
and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic.
Consoling. Friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless.
Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive.
Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivate oneself and the others. Sickness
usually of the head and chest.
 
MAY Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated.Sharp
thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings.
Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation.
Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good  imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts.  Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children.  Hardworking. High spirit. Spendthrift.
 
JUNE Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating. Tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and  humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative.
Daydreamer.  Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show
character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily
bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive.  Stubborn.
 
JULY Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation.  Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful.  Friendly. Approachable. Emotional.Temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful.l Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and
mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving.  Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be  quiet. Homely person Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems.
Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
 
AUGUST Loves to joke. Attractive Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm  and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and  egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself . Thirsty for praises.
Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous.
Observant.  Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts.
Loves to lead and  to be led. Loves to dream.Talented in the arts, music and
defences. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to
relax. Hasty and  rusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
 
SEPTEMBER Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized.
Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Quiet but able to
talk well. Calm and coo.l Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed.
Trustworthy, loyal and honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive.
Thinking  generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to
look for  information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to
motivate oneself.  Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports,
leisure and  traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up
feelings. Choosy  especially in relationships. Loves wide things. Systematic.
 
OCTOBER Loves to chat. Loves those who loves him. Loves to takes things
at  the center. Attractive and suave. Inner and physical beauty. Does not
lie or  pretend. Sympathetic. Treats friends importantly. Always making
friends.  Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated.
Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance.
Loves to travel,  the arts and literature. Soft-spoken, loving and caring.
Romantic !!! Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and
fair. Spendthrift and  easily influenced. Easily lose confidence.Loves children.
 
 NOVEMBER Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward.Unique and  brilliant . Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong
clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive.
Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking.Less talkative
but  amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted-if
there is a  will, there is a way. Determined.Never give up. Hardly
becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded.  Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises.
High-spirited. Well-built  and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships.  Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy.Honest and keeps secrets.  Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.
 
DECEMBER Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with.
Loves to socialize. Loves praise. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest
and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality.
Not  egoistic.Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke.
Good sense of humour.

best inda business
eaglescheers.jpg

9 THINGS I HATE ABOUT CERTAIN PEOPLE  (sara)
 
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my
watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

 2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it? 

 4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it?  Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give  me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus  come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumass?


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Article 1: (Abe)

Statement of Love:
The Kiss


1..
Kiss on the hand
I adore you

2.
Kiss on the cheek
I just want to be friends

3.
Kiss on the neck
I want you

4.
Kiss on the lips
I love you

5.
Kiss on the ears
I am just playing

6.
Kiss anywhere else
lets not get carried away

7.
Look in your eyes
kiss me

8.
Playing with your hair
I can't live without you


9.
Hand on your waist
I love you to much to let you go




Article 2:
The Three Steps


1.
Girls:
If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him.

2.
Guys

If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good.

3.
Guys & Girls
Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare.



Article 3:
The Commandments


1.
Thou shall not squeeze
too hard.


2.
Thou shall not ask for a kiss,
but take one.


3.
Thou shall kiss
at every opportunity
.


* Remember *
A peach is a peach
A plum is a plum,
A kiss isn't a kiss
Without some tongue.
So open up your mouth
close your eyes,
and give your tongue
some exercise!!!




Here are a few reasons
why guys like girls:


1.
They will always smell good
even if its just shampoo

2.
The way their heads always
find the right spot on our shoulder

3.
How cute they look when they sleep

4.
The ease in which they fit into our arms

5.
The way they kiss you and
all of a sudden everything
is right in the world

6.
How cute they are when they eat

7.
The way they take hours
to get dressed
but in the end
it makes it all worth while


8.
Because they are always
warm even when its minus 30 outside

9.
The way they look good
no matter what they wear

10.
The way they fish for compliments
even though you both know that you
think she's the most
beautiful thing on this earth

11.
How cute they are when they argue

12.
The way her hand always finds yours


13.
The way they smile

14.
The way you feel
when you see their name
on the call ID
after you just had a big fight

15.
The way she says
"lets not fight anymore"
even though you know that
an hour later....

16.
The way they kiss when
you do something nice for them


17.
The way they kiss you
when you say
"I love you"

18.
Actually ...
just the way they kiss you...

19.
The way they fall into your arms
when they cry

20.
Then the way they apologize
for crying over something that silly

21.
The way they hit you
and expect it to hurt

22.
Then the way they apologize
when it does hurt.

(even though we don't admit it)!

23.
The way they say
"I miss you"

24.
The way you miss them

25.
The way their tears
make you want to
change the world
so that it
doesn't hurt her anymore.....
Yet regardless
if you love them,
hate them,
wish they would die
or
know that you would die
without them ...
it matters not.
Because once in your life,
whatever they were to the world
they become everything to you.
When you look them in the eyes,
traveling to
the depths of their souls
and
you say a million things
without trace of a sound,
you know that your own life
is inevitable consumed
within the rhythmic beatings
of her very heart.
We love them for a million reasons,
No paper would do it justice.
It is a thing not of the mind
but of the heart.
A feeling.
Only felt.

HOW MANY HORSES DO U SEE?
horse.gif
(THERE ARE 8! ONLY SMART PEEPS WILL FIND THEM ALL ) from CAL

love__crayon_drawing_prv.gif

 
 
 
 
TO MY DEAR WIFE: (sara)
 
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
KEEP READING.......
==========================================================
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
Once you read this letter you have to keep it going.
This game has been played since 1996.
You must send this letter to 7 people.
On the 5th day someone will ask you out or say "I love you."
This is not a joke.
It has worked for many years.
If you break the chain,
you will have bad luck with guys/girls forever.
This is just for future readers.
This began in 1996,not much of a past, but it works.
So here are the rules:
If you read this on a Sunday,wish for a good week
If you read this on a Monday, wish for money
If you read this on a Tuesday, wish for love
If you read this on a Wednesday, wish for success
If you read this on a Thursday, wish for anything you want
If you read this on a Friday, wish for a really hot date
If you read this on a Saturday, wish for an important phone call
 
 
 

MY FAVORITE
image004.jpg

babynewyear.gif
Happy New Year

rollmeover.jpg

10.gif

(from Angie)
Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person is sexually active or not?
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when woman make love
they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which make hair shiny and
skin smooth.
 
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering
dermatitis,skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that
romantic dinner.
 
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and
>tones up
just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming
20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

 
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases the chemical
endorphin into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and
leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
 
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually
>active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
 
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages
>saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay,preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the
tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
 
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural
antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.



cool paintjob
cool_paintjob.jpg

The Rose (from Rose)
 
Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose.
And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows.
The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door.
The card said, "Be my Valentine," like all the years before.
Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say,
"I love you even more this year, than last year on this day.
My love for you will always grow, with every passing year."
She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.
 
She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day.
Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away.
 
He always liked to do things early, way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.
 
She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase.
Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.>>
 
She would sit for hours, in her husband's favorite chair.
While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there.
 
A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate.
With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate.
Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before,
The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door.
 
She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock.
Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.
 
 
The owner answered, and she asked him,
if he would explain,Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?
 
"I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,"
The owner said, "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know.
The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance.
Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance.
 
There is a standing order, that I have on file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year.
 
There also is another thing, that I think you should know,
 
 
He wrote a special little card...he did this years ago. Then, should ever I find out that he's no longer here, That's the card...that should be sent, to you the following year."
 
 
She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard.
 
Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.
 
 
Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote...
 
 
"Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone, I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome. I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real. Or if it was the other way, I know how I would feel. The love we shared made anything so beautiful in life. I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife. You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need. I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve. I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears. That is why the roses will be sent to you for years.
 
 
When you get these roses, think of all the happiness, That we had together, and how both of us were blessed. I have always loved you and I know I always will. But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still.
 
Please...try to find happiness, while living out your days. I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways. The roses will come every year, and they will only stop, When your door's not answered, when the florist stops to knock. He will come five times that day, in case you
have gone out. But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt
To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him. And place the roses where we are, together once again.
Sometimes in life, you find a special friend; Someone who changes your life
just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;
 
 
Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just
waiting for you to open it.
 
This is Forever Friendship. This is the sacred RED ROSE.
 

not milk!!!!
notmilk.jpg
OOOYYYYEEAAAA

 

 

THANKZGIVIN.....

He laid her on the table,

So white, clean and bare.

His forehead wet with beads of sweat,

He rubbed her here and there.

He touched her neck and then her breast,

And then, drooling, felt her thigh.

The slit was wet and all was set, He gave a joyous
cry.

The hole was wide...he looked inside,

All was dark and murky.

He rubbed his hands and stretched out his arms,

And then he stuffed the turkey.

May I be the first to wish you Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Girls are Evil (from Matt)

First we state that girls require time and money
Girls=Time*Money
And as we all know Time is Money
Time=Money
Therefore
Girls=money*money=Money(squared)
And because Money is the Root of all Evil
Money = Square root of Evil
Therefore
Girls=Square root of evil (squared)
And we are forced to conclude that
Girls=Evil

 

Darn Cucumbers

Two cucumbers were sittin' around talking about how miserable their lives were. The first one said, "Everytime I get nice and firm someone comes along cuts me into little pieces and throws me in a salad."

The second one said, "You think you've got it tough. Everytime I get nice and firm someone throws me in a jar full of the foul smelling stuff and keeps me there until I'm old and withered."

A penis who happened to be listening in said, "You guys got it easy. Everytime I get nice and hard someone throws a plastic bag over my head and makes me do pushups until I puke."